Life In The Trailer Park

"Now you're going to have to deal with both of us."

So ends the trailer for The Negotiator, telling us that Kevin Spacey and Samuel L. Jackson will be teaming up during the movie. This not only spoils a plot point (and not as major a plot point as you might think), but also is a line which does not appear in the movie.

Hollywood has always been about getting butts into seats at the movie theater, and of course one of the best ways to do that is through the age-old tradition of the movie trailer. Go see The Matrix, and you're treated to a preview of Star Wars: Episode I, that new David Spade movie, and any number of other upcoming films. Of course, what you see in the trailer is not necessarily what you get in the movie.

Remember when the trailers for Twister first appeared? And that great shot at the end of the trailer with the tractor wheel flying right at the screen? Remember it in the movie? Didn't think so. That's because it wasn't there.

How about in Disturbing Behaviour. There were whole plot points touched at in the trailer which didn't make it into the movie (not that it's necessarily a bad thing in this case...anything that made that movie shorter is a good thing).

This practice of including things in the trailer which don't make it into the movie goes way back in Hollywood. I remember the trailer for the Robin Williams film, Toys, with Williams standing in a lush, green (and incredibly Irish) field rambling on about this and that. Not one clip from the film. That may be because the film sucked, but still, at least tell us something about it! Are you going to tell me that out of 118 minutes of movie you can't find 90 seconds worth of marketable material? Why are you even bothering releasing the film, then? You can avoid showing us everything while still telling us something. Remember the marketing campaigns for Godzilla and Independence Day? They told us far from everything, but still kept us intrigued. Say what you will about the films, but you can't deny that the trailers were brilliant.

Of course, telling us nothing about the film is a blessing compared to those trailers which give away the whole thing. Remember Mission: Impossible with Tom Cruise? If you saw the trailer, you saw every part of the movie worth seeing...in sequence! How about the trailers for Men In Black? You saw almost every funny shot which made it into the film. Why bother seeing the movie?

It seems that Hollywood goes through these cycles. We see a few years of trailers which give away everything, then a few years of trailers which tell us nothing. Then they get the balance right for a while before going right back to screwing it all up again.

My picks for best & worst trailers?

Best:

1. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
A brilliant trailer which shows us that the film has a plot (unlike Godzilla), yet still teases us with absolutely beautiful imagery.
2. Jurassic Park
Not one real shot of a dinosaur, but it got millions of people into the theaters.
3. Titanic
Of course the boat is going to sink, just make sure we know it's going to sink unlike anything we've ever seen before.
4. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Who can forget the liquid T1000 going through the helicopter window...and once again, didn't give away everything about the plot!
5. The Matrix
Shows us "holy crap" fx shots, promises us a complex plot, but doesn't give away anything important.
Worst:

1. Mission: Impossible
Gave away everything you'd want to see in the film. Looked great, but left no surprises in the theater.
2. Living Out Loud
A "comedy"? All righty then...someone forgot the jokes...
3. Lost In Space
"Danger Will Robinson" sounds cheesy no matter how cool the effects are...
4. Toys
Where's the movie?
5. The Crow: City of Angels
At least the trailer didn't suck as bad as the movie...but what is that saying?

These picks are right off the top of my head, and I'm sure after some more thought some better (and worse) trailers will pop into my head. In the meantime, I pass the gauntlet to you.

Send me your choices for the five best and worst trailers, and the reasons why...I'll pick some of the more amusing ones and include them in next week's column. Send submissions to ken@dvdfuture.com

Last weeks quote, "Greed is for amateurs. Disorder, chaos, anarchy: now that's fun!" was answered by a whopping zero people (was it that hard?). The quote is from Brandon Lee's final film, The Crow, and was uttered by the unbelievably cool fellow Canadian Michael Wincott as Top Dollar. His voice is absolutely amazing, we referred to him here as "ten balls" for years before we decided to finally see what his name is. He's also made some stunning appearances in films like Romeo Is Bleeding, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (fast forward all the bits with Kevin Costner) and Alien: Resurrection. This week, I'll make the quote a little bit easier... "Brilliant gold taps, virginal white marble, a seat carved from ebony, a cistern full of Chanel Number Five, and a flunky handing me pieces of raw silk toilet roll. But under the circumstances, I'll settle for anywhere." As usual, email me the name of the movie, the actor and the character at ken@dvdfuture.com. The first person to get the answer to me gets their name up in lights (err...pixels) on this page next week. Until next time...you know the drill...