Tricky Dick

The history of film has presented us with countless examples of "Chick Flicks", those movies which are made purely to appeal to the sentiment of the female of the species. In fact, this phenomenon has now grown so large that the success of several recent films has been attributed primarily to the female audience (eg. The Bone Collector and Double Jeopardy) even though there have been strong male leads in the films as well (Denzel Washington and Tommy Lee Jones, respectively).

Add this to the fact that several films which are blatantly oriented toward females have been significant successes (You've Got Mail, Notting Hill, Sleepless in Seattle, etc.) and you can see where the appeal is to the studios. As a matter of fact, Nora Ephron's career has been made solely with these films.

It does make one (me) wonder, though. Where are all the films for the guys? The movies which are geared toward a male audience, and which pull no punches when it comes to plugging into all that testosterone floating around out there? With the exception of Fight Club and Three Kings, there have been very few films in recent history designed for a male audience. Instead, the focus seems to be on diversification. Those films which are geared to a specific audience are altogether too specific (Pokemon) in their audience. There's very little for the 18-49 year old male.

Sure, you could argue that the entire porn industry is based around the hormones of males, but it's not the same thing. We need more than sex. We need violence and foul language and, yes, even a good story to hold it all together. Of course throwing in some gratuitous nudity doesn't hurt.

As such, I present here, my (very incomplete) list of "Dick Flicks". Films which appeal primarily to a male audience, and which can help you get some of that sappy, mushy, "the wife made me watch it" B.S. out of your system.

These are presented in no particular order.

The Terminator Films

The original is the better of the two films, but both are great action fests. And they both have the patron Saint of Dick Flicks, Ah-nuld.

Die Hard

Bruce Willis blows up some way cool stuff in an action film which was so revolutionary that it completely changed the action genre. The first one is an absolute action classic. The third one is passably entertaining. The second is entirely forgettable.

Conan The Barbarian

Ah-nuld. Swords. Blood. Drinking. Scantily clad women. 'nuf said.

Army of Darkness

All three Evil Dead films should be on this list, but AoD plugs into that ever-so effervescent element which makes a Dick Flick that it easily tromps its predecessors off the list. One of the most harmlessly chauvinistic films ever made ("Hail to the king, baby").

Demolition Man

Stallone plays a cop from the future. This film is not only filled with gratuitous violence and mayhem, but also has Sandra Bullock wearing some way-tight clothing, and not doing anything sappy.

Death Race 2000

A true classic in the Dick Flick genre. DR2K has all the elements of a great Dick Flick, heaped on like whipped cream on a bloody sundae.

The Bond Films

James Bond is the ultimate playboy, and as such he gets all the women. Add in the way-cool tech toys, and you have success in the Dick Flick market. Sean Connery is still the best bond. Skip the ones with Timothy (girly-man) Dalton.

First Blood

Stallone sews up his own arm. Coooool. The first sequel (Rambo) is watchable, as long as you leave your brain at the door. Rambo III is a joke.

Rocky

Parts I and II are classics. Besides, there's tons of footage of people pummeling each other.

Showgirls

I know...you're sitting back, and going "huh?", but hear me out. Most of the women in this movie are topless throughout.

The Indiana Jones Films

Indy gets the Nazis and the girls. The Temple of Doom is weak compared to the other two, but hey, it's Indy! Bonus points for having the best Bond as Indy's dad in The Last Crusade.

Saving Private Ryan

A real war film, and so gory that women hate watching it.

Platoon

See: Saving Private Ryan

True Lies

The DVD is great, because you can skip straight to the scene where Jamie Lee Curtis strips. Too bad she doesn't go all the way...

The Running Man

Ah-nuld again. Running. And killing people. And running. And it has Richard Dawson, too. Way cool.

Starship Troopers

Denise Richards, nude. Dina Meyer, nude. Blood, guts, gore, bugs. Great special effects. A great looking and sounding DVD. What more do you need?

Send in your favorite dick flicks, and I'll compile them for a future editorial.

Last week's quote of the week went unanswered. The quote came from Jacob's Ladder, starring Tim Robbins. If you haven't seen the film, let's just say it comes highly recommended.

This week's quote is from a classic Dick Flick. It's a gimme, so someone better get it right, or I'm comin' out and crackin' skulls.

"Women weaken legs!"

As usual, if you know where it's from, email me at ken@dvdfuture.com.

If you get it right this week, you win a copy of The Mummy with Brendan Fraser. Sadly, it's pan and scan (I couldn't get a copy of the widescreen edition for giveaway).